It’s becoming more and more
common that the main cause of stress for the should-be excited soon-to-be
married couple is their complicated family dynamics. Women with close relationships to their step
father and birth father wonder how to please and honour both without hurting
one of their feelings. Feuding relatives
and parents make invitation lists and seating plans a daunting task for any
bride and groom. So how do couples
cope? Do they have to play flame
diffuser, therapist and shoulder-to-cry-on for their relatives, as well as
wedding planners? It shouldn’t be so.
I’ve seen quite a few different scenarios
thus far in my wedding planning, and I’m sure to see many more yet to
come. My biggest piece of advice is to not stress over it, and be honest with the people around you. If one parent is irate that the other is
invited, gently let them know it’s important for you to have both of your
parents present, and that you’d appreciate both of their support and am sorry
if it causes them any discomfort.
Do you invite your father or mother’s
significant other(s)? Tough question,
and it depends on the situation entirely.
Do you consider them family? If
yes, then it only seems natural to invite them.
If your parent who has a partner would be happiest with their partner
present, and you have a friendly or loving relationship with them, then I
believe they should receive the invite.
Consider your feelings towards this person opposed to your family’s, or
at least consider your own feelings first.
It is your feelings that take priority on your big day. Once again, if it causes tension with your
other parent, explain to them that it’s what you want and that you understand
it’s a bit uncomfortable for them but hope everyone can get along for your sake
and that their understanding would mean the world to you. Don’t say to one parent that the other
requested their partner be invited, it will only make it more tense and give
them reason so mutter nasty comments that might start with “selfish” and end
with words I don’t find appropriate for my blog.
Many brides wonder
how to honour both their stepfather, who they have developed a close and loving
relationship with over the years, as well as their birth father. I have a few suggestions to consider. First of all, it doesn’t have to be a
father-figure that walks you down the aisle.
If it’s your mother that you feel raised you, then consider having her
walk you down. You could also give this
honour to your brother (if you have two, I would either avoid this or ask your
older brother, but find a way to honour your younger brother as well). Another option is to have one of your
father-figures walk you down the aisle, but dance with the other for the “father
daughter dance”. This way, both get
their shining moment with their daughter and feel like they are a part of your
big day.
Make sure you’re upfront with all
people involved about your expectations for your wedding day. If you’d like to have family photos done with
both your parents and/or their significant others, let them know ahead of time
so that they aren’t caught off-guard in the moment and they can mentally
prepare.
Most times over not, everything
goes smoother than anticipated because the people around you want you to enjoy
a stress and drama-free day.
